Any child you fail to connect with will never buy what you’re selling. Nobody remembers a teacher because she taught you the parts of speech or how to multiply double digit numbers. Teachers who are remembered fondly are those who built significant relationships with the learner. When a child is loved and nurtured at home, he comes to school ready to learn and will immediately respect the teacher and can easily build a relationship because he has been taught those skills at home. However, for a child who exists from day to day, worrying about things no child should worry about, speaking a different language, caring for younger siblings, or trying to navigate circumstances far outside of his age or control, the situation looks much different. First acknowledge that you don’t know everything about that hard-to-love child and understand that it is critical that you break through the barriers and find reasons to brag on and encourage him. These children are the reason you answered this calling on your life and the easy-to-love ones are just icing on the cake. Before you can teach anybody anything, you have to build a community that is safe and comfortable for learning. Children don’t need to be embarrassed or accused or criticized. They need someone to teach them the things no one has already taught them. Just because someone’s mama tried to teach them manners, doesn’t mean the manners will be displayed. Teaching is about building a relationship with a learner that is full of practicing what we have been taught until it becomes automatic. 

Remember that the PEC student who is placed in your Inclusion class has had to fail repeatedly to arrive there. Oftentimes in public schools, it can take 6-9 months for a student to meet the specific eligibility to qualify for the PEC support he/she needs, after the initial paperwork has begun. Their parents have been on this journey with them, and are probably just as frustrated and anxious as their child. They had no idea that school was going to be such a challenge, such a struggle, such a disappointment for their child.

I’ll never forget a little fellow named Eddie, who showed up at my door one morning  with his Mom and his 2^nd grade teacher. I had a SpEd Resource Room at that time and served students K-6^th grade. That morning I had a 5^th grader working on Reading, a 3^rd grader working on Math, and a 4^th grade  Behavior Disorder (BD) student working on social skills as well as reading. Eddie walked in, hair sticking up here and there, shorts too tight and shirt too short. He walked up to each student in the room, tapped them on the arm and asked…” Is this the classroom where you learn to read?”

You see, Eddie had been in school for 3 years and he still could not read. He wanted to be able to read and he wanted to be sure that he was in the right room where that would happen. All of the students told him, “ Yes, this is the room.”  He then turned to me and asked me where his desk was. He sat down and we got to work.

Relationship is another word for trust, love, and safety.

(Pamela Webster, M. Ed, SPED.)

Experienced teachers- if you have a story that supports this topic, please add it in the comments below.