About a dozen times a year, a student of yours will come up to you and give you an invitation to an event. Over the years I’ve been invited to birthday parties, Little League games, piano recitals, baptisms, and community plays. It was usually for  a weekend when I was OFF and the last thing I wanted to do was drive over to the skating rink on a Sunday afternoon and watch children roll around on wheels, even if it did involve cake. No adult who sent the invitation or principal or coworker expects you to sacrifice your sacred time off to spend it with a child in your class. Of everything you don’t really want to do, this is the easiest thing to get out. However, the impact your presence can make at that event outside of school is monumental. Recently, a student of mine from 30 years ago posted a picture of me on social media. I was attending her piano recital. To be honest, that was an hour out of my weekend thirty years ago that I did not remember until I saw the photo. I also did not know anyone took a picture of me while I was there. I studied that image of a much skinnier, much less wrinkled teacher that used to be me and I wondered why her mom took the photo and even more, why she still  had it some thirty years later. Then it occurred to me. She felt important and my presence made an impact. Now, even after I have retired, I continue to get graduation announcements, wedding invitations, and baby announcements from students who remember me when they are planning their life’s pivotal events. No, I didn’t go to every birthday party, or Little League game, or play, but every time I could; I did. And I did not realize its impact until decades later. I didn’t have to stay the whole time, I just had to be there long enough to be seen by the student to make that connection.  It is with these connections that you can leverage powerful relationships that are so critical to teaching and learning.

If you have a student you are having difficulty connecting with, put this tool in your toolbox. See him outside of the classroom. It will make him feel important, valued and like someone really cares. It may make all the difference in how you two navigate the dynamics of the classroom.

Also, always take the cupcake. There will be many opportunities in your career when a child will offer you a birthday cupcake from home. I don’t care if you are on a diet. I don’t care if you don’t trust the kitchen from which it came. I don’t even care that you have an aversion to red dye #9; take the gift. You don’t  have to eat it but just taking it from the child represents that his birthday is worth you celebrating.  You don’t have to consume the cupcake to celebrate a child.

The individual student  events that you choose to participate in outside of the classroom  will mean so much to your PEC student and their family. You don’t have to go to everything that you are invited to, but please make the effort to go to as many as possible. They will not forget it, and neither will their family. Build those valuable connections.

Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED