Dozens of times each day, one child you love will offend another child you love with words or actions. Sometimes teachers feel more like referees than educators. If you tell a child to apologize, the perpetrator will turn toward the complainant and bark, “SORRY,” and turn away with a scowl and go tell a friend how she has been disgraced by a tattletale. As adults, we don’t think that someone barking “sorry” at us is sufficient and children don’t either. As an important part of the classroom routines and procedures, spend some time teaching children how to offer a genuine apology. It should sound something like this.

Name of the person I hurt,

I’m sorry for  _________________.

I should have __________________ or I am not usually that rude.

(It was an accident. I should be more careful.)

Will you forgive me?

“Mary, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings by saying that you have a babyish backpack. I am usually not that rude. Will you forgive me?”  or

“Brett, I’m sorry for tripping you when you were walking down the aisle. It was an accident. I should be more careful. Will you forgive me?”

Children need to learn to offer apologies when they hurt another student whether it was accidental or on purpose. Sometimes younger children believe that an accident absolves them of the responsibility to apologize but it does not. When another student has been injured or offended, they need to learn to take responsibility and articulate that they want forgiveness.

“Meredith, I’m sorry I said you can’t play with Janie and me. I should let everyone play who wants to. Will you forgive me?

The need for apologies frequently happens on the playground. If you don’t have to help navigate at least one genuine apology per day on the playground, you probably are not watching your class closely enough. After the apology, send those two or three off to play together or they will be right back needing another apology.

This may take some time with our PEC students, but with role playing and modeling appropriate behaviors and responses, they will get it if you are consistent with your expectations. This will definitely take up more of your time in the beginning, especially on the playground, but the long term benefits will be worth it.

Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED

If you are an experienced teacher with a story about apologies, please share it in the comments below.