Be very aware that children are going to tell their mamas everything you say, but I have a circumstance when I lead with “Tell your mama I said….” When a child shows me respect or especially good manners, I say, “Tell your mama I said you’ve got really good manners. Mamas like to know that what they have taught you is being used when she’s not around.”  When they are processing the “tell your mama I said” part, their eyebrows furrow and they look concerned, until I get to the part about the good manners. His face lights up and you can believe that is the first thing he will tell his mama when he gets in the car. Further, you will notice other children responding politely so you will say the same thing to them. They all want the teacher to brag on them and manners is a really easy way to achieve that. They may not pass the test academically, or meet the targets but they can be polite and you will find that they will respect you and show you manners to get you to say that to them.

When a child does or says something completely inappropriate, act surprised, and take pretend ownership for the inappropriate behavior. Especially when other children gasp and look at you with wide eyes like they can’t wait to see what is going to happen to him. I would usually say, “Boys and girls, you are surprised because what happened just now violated the only rule we have in this class. But, it’s not really Sherman’s fault. You don’t realize it but someone invested in you and taught you what was appropriate to say (or do) out in public. Nobody has taught him yet. Let’s bring him up to the same level where we are. Sherman, we all believe that if you knew better, you would do better. What you just did was not acceptable in our classroom and none of us deserved that. You need to first issue an apology to all of us and then convince us that you now know what is acceptable behavior and tell us what to expect from you going forward. “  You have just transferred the accusation from the student (and the parent or previous teachers etc.) to “someone.” You give the other children ownership in the justice they are seeking. You require the child to issue an appropriate apology and to basically teach us what to expect from him going forward.

Bragging to Mom that the teacher said you had really good home training is not a typical experience for many of our PEC students. Typically,  our PEC students are unaware of the “hidden curriculum” that exists in every classroom among neurotypical peers. This refers to things you learned from your environment but were not directly taught. Many of our PEC students just don’t “pick up” on social cues that indicate what is accepted and what is not by observing facial expressions. This can have an impact on their social interactions with their peers in the general education classroom. As teachers, it’s our job to support our PEC students by teaching them aspects of the “hidden curriculum” that they struggle with. We need to teach and model how to behave in certain situations.

Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED